SingleMumAt33

I’m not so sure if this is the right forum but I am desperate for some answers so hope you can bear with me and get me your inputs.

Here’s a backgrounder, I’m living with my boyfriend in my apartment along with my two kids. Our relationship is farely new (living together for 4 months now), I would say it was a whirlwind romance. We didn’t want to go through the whole long term dating thus we decided that he moves in with me. He split up with his wife before we met but they are not divorced yet as they are waiting for whoever has the funds to file for it. I met the exwife before and it was mutual that they both decided to call it quits. He’s also partially blind so technically he is legally disabled. When I talked to the wife I was told that her problem with him was his drinking which has also spilled over to our relationship.

We’ve been having fights lately about his drinking because it’s causing stressing to me and honestly, it’s embarrassing for me as a parent to have my kids see us fight. He just simply goes crazy when he’s drunk, and I try my best not to get into any heated argument because I do fight back (no physical but more of verbal) just to shut him off.

A week back we had the same issue about his drinking. I told him that if he really wants to drink he might as well sleep somewhere else because I will not tolerate his behavior. So he did! Only to find out that he slept the night off at his ex-wife’s house! The following morning he rushed home early and when I asked him about it, he admitted to sleeping over but was drunk already when he arrived there. I knew from the get-go that it was bound to happen as the ex-wife still wants him back. When I asked him how he ended up there, he said the ex-wife insisted to take him in so he has a place to sleep to that night. I’ve read their messages (I didn’t snoop as we both have access to our phones) and true enough, the ex-wife begged him to come back and reconcile. He just literally got his clothes back and rush in an hour to come home.

Now here are the facts. He’s an alcoholic, and he admitted that to me. His reason why he drinks is that he blames me for having an erratic sleeping hours (I work from home and I need to be up mostly at night) to do my job, and he doesn’t like the fact that I get to sleep at around 4am onwards. So with this I compromised and I try my best to fix my sleeping hours. On his side, he tries his best to not drink. But yesterday, as I wasn’t able to sleep earlier than expected because I had to finish some backlog work, he went crazy on me again. That he might as well spend time outside because he was bored. When I asked if he will drink, he responded that it would be my fault that he’s drinking because I am stressing him out for not getting any sleep. He told me he no longer respects me and that it’s useless to stay together if we don’t have the same sleeping habits. Truth be told, he has insomnia too! And I get to be blamed for it.

With that, I know that was rather an unfair excuse of him and I sensed its his alcohol withdrawal that is causing him to be unrealistic and to come up with all the excuses just to drink (he’s been sober for a week after I talked him out of it). So for the last 24 hours it’s been silent treatment for both of us, and with the weekend coming, he packed a set of clothes again which I’m sure he’s going to spend the night elsewhere and be drinking ‘til he passes out. (though he told me he’s never going back to his exwife’s place again because he realized it was a big mistake, which I don’t really buy btw).
I’m torn between talking to him again or just to let him be with his drinking. The thought of him rekindling things with is exwife this coming weekend is like a dagger but I can’t force myself if that what he really wants to happen.

I’ve contemplated on just simply letting him go and move on as I can’t see myself being with an alcoholic. Although he is a pretty decent and loving guy when he’s sober. My kids like him and its just that this problem with his drinking is affecting our relationship. I would have want this relationship to last, but what I really don’t know what to do with his behavior. Should I take the blame for it? Or should I walk out? I know it’s not my responsibility to fix him, but I don’t want to see him waste his years with his stupid drinking habits. And aside from the obvious alcoholic problem, I'm faced with this love triangle crap that every woman I'm sure doesn't want to deal with.

Sorry if this has come to a pretty long post. Any thoughts to my dilemma would be of great help.