Thanks everyone - all great stuff! this week has been really interesting. I have seen him pout and become upset with me for doing nothing else then living the life I would and should live in ANY relationship - with an alcoholic or not. I have plans, I go to the gym, I visit my family - I volunteer and I am independent. I don't cheat or look for other men - I just hone in on my own person and who I want to be. He is threatened by this and has almost said it but stopped short of the words. I still struggle because I start to feel punished when he plays on my emotions and behaves as though I am abandoning him - but I keep pushing and know in my heart I am being the best person to myself and everyone around me by taking care of me.
I know he doesn't like it because he is use to me dedicating all my time and life around him and I simply have other things now. Truth is, I always have. I just put them aside to live in this tiny world with him. He likes to say he is at the bottom of my priority list. But its not that - I am just at the top. I am living healthy. I see my beautiful nephews at least 2-3 times a week and spend real quality time with them. I see friends and do the things that make me happy. It's amazing too because he has the power to do the very same things. Seeing my nephews gives me fulfillment, can you imagine if he decided to see his son as much? I tell him that I am doing the things to make me whole so that next time if he should relapse and disappear again, I won't be broken because I will have other things. And like I said before, these things are vital in ANY relationship. Balance is everything. He sees balance as a threat, but I am loving it.
I just had a meeting with a recruiter who is helping me with my job search and I have an interview next week I set up on my own. Now enjoying a coffee sitting at a downtown cafe and I know that no matter what this person chooses to do or dedicate himself to, it will not break me. I've got other things and I am happy. So far he has shown no real dedication or work to prevent relapse (he would disagree but I think we all know what it looks like when they are doing the work) so it's only a matter of time. I am ready.
Progress....allllmooostttt there. :/