Happy you reached out! Like me, you logged on and said "oh my God other people are suffering around the alcoholic just like me?!"...your stories are a thousand times relatable to all of us. Like the above commenters - get thy self to Alanon STAT. It's awesome you took him to a meeting and awesome you went with him to his first martial arts class, but as you see, he retracted backward and it didn't matter a hoot what you did for him. As you will learn in Alaon, you didnt cause it you can control it and you can't cure it. It has to come from him a 10000 times over.
You will learn soon if you haven't already, that all your efforts are futile until he recognizes he has a problem and doesn't want to live this way anymore. It doesn't sound like he is there yet even remotely. He doesn't think he has a problem, or if he does, he certainly doesn't care and it shows loud and clear. Until the people around him stop enabling him and accepting the behavior, he really has no reason to want to change (unless he gets a clue what he is doing to you and himself and everyone else). In my case, my A goes to meetings and waxes on about changing but relapses all the time. When I finally put some boundaries in place I realized my life was much more peaceful. I am still struggling to let go of him but my detachment has been a life saver. Now instead of panicking and getting nauseous when he uses I cut contact with him and take care of myself. And when he's not using and saying he is going about recovery, I just let him do what he will do and I keep doing me. Read some books on codependency - Melodie Beattie's Codependent No More or Robin Norwood's - Women Who Love Too Much. These have been lifesavers for me in learning how to deal with an Alcoholic partner.. I too have spent many a days and now years with the sick sinking feeling that he is out of control and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. Alanon and education on the addiction will teach you that the only person you can control and help is yourself.
I related a lot to the last part of your post where he tried to be intimate with you and you were like, WTF? It's amazing how they expect you to not be impacted by their reckless behavior. My boyfriend still gets shocked that I am different toward him and that 'something has changed' with me. It's like....really? You are...shocked?Gotta love it. Anyway, either buckle yourself in for a very long and tireless fight of emotional turmoil and exhaustion, or ...well, unbuckle yourself and get out of the car. I don't say this as though it is easy. I still struggle with this and remain buckled in because all the sober "moments" tell me it isn't bad (unless he's drinking which he does every couple months and it's an absolute nightmare). Do as I say, not as I do. Go to Alanon...keep posting. Best of luck and *hugs*