Hi ichimatsu
I hope people will take the time to read your story
I think most of us can identify with wanting to get wasted as much as we want but not suffer the consequences.
for me I could be the man I wanted to be or get wasted, but not both.
I chose the former and I've never regretted it
This is a great place to be if you want change - a lot of support understanding and wisdom here
Welcome
D