"Why Can't I Stop Drinking?" The Question May Be the Cause
“Why can’t I stop drinking?”
At a time in my life this was a question I asked myself almost every single day. During the time between when I knew I had to stop drinking and my final drink I asked this and a lot of similar questions. Alcohol was no longer living up to its end of the deal, it was supposed to be making my life better but it was making it so much worse. The problem was even though I knew the booze was making promises it couldn’t keep - I kept coming back to it. Each morning I would wake up filled with cold anxiety, wondering what I did the night before. I felt like my life was slipping out of my control and each morning I would ask myself: “Why?”
“Why can’t I stop?”
“Why can’t I drink like a normal person?”
“Why can’t I just be happy?”
I kept asking myself these questions but never got the ways to help myself. Either my mind would come up blank or even worse it would respond with answers that made me want to drink even more.
“You can’t stop because you’re weak.”
“You can’t drink like a normal person because you’re not normal - you are a useless ******.”
“You can’t be happy because you don’t deserve to be happy.”
It took me a long time to realize that there wasn’t a lack of strength in myself but there was certainly a lack in strength in my questions.
When we ask ourselves loaded questions - we will get loaded answers. Sometimes we will ask ourselves weak questions because the possibility of strong ones wouldn’t even cross our minds. For example: “How am I supposed to date without drinking when EVERYONE drinks?” This question is setting you up for an answer in a false world where “everyone drinks.” Of course, we know this isn’t true but when we’ve been in the dark for so long we can forget there is light out there.
To strengthen my questions I first had to realize three things:
Your brain will find answers to the questions you ask it
This sounds like a good thing but it can hurt you. Our brains are like computers, they are very logical and can solve complex problems but they can only work with the data you supply to it. If you ask yourself why you are a loser it’s going to try to find an answer to that question! We need to change our questions to get better answers.
There are certain words that are linked to emotions
There are certain words in everyone's vocabulary where when they say or even think it - it will put them into a negative emotional state. For me it’s the word “useless” - whenever I was beating myself up I’d be sure to let myself know that I was useless and when I hear it I’m instantly in a bad mood. Be careful of the words you choose for your questions.
We need to be specific with our questions to get sharper results
When we ask ourselves broad questions it’s hard to get an exact answer. If I was to ask myself: “How can I be happy?” it’s hard for my brain to come back with a single actionable task. Instead if I ask: “What is something simple I can do every day to raise my mood?” it’s a lot easier to get an answer to this. The more specific the question the more precise the answer.
5 Questions I Ask Myself Every Morning
I Incorporated these questions into my everyday morning routine
Why will I not drink today? - What would happen if I drank today? How would I feel tomorrow? If I drank today what would happen a week from now? What about years from now?
What am I grateful for? - What are some of the things that you can appreciate? How about being grateful to be alive? For having friends or family? For having access to information and ideas that can change your life?
Why am I proud of my sobriety? - What are some of the things I have accomplished since getting sober? Who have I made proud by doing this?
What am I happy about? - What is different in my life now because I am sober? How has my life changed for the better? What does or could make you happy right now?
What am I looking forward to doing today? - What are some of the things you are excited about doing? A project you are working on? Meeting up with someone you care about? Just taking the time to improve yourself?