Hi flashback. I'm so glad you found us and wanted to talk about your situation. You are never alone - and we've all been there.
At 29 I wasn't ready to admit I couldn't drink ever again. I insisted I could use willpower to control what I drank. I went on for many more years & ended up drinking all day in the end - completely dependent on it to get through the day. You are leaving that sick life behind. Please don't let guilt & regret hold you down. You're free - and life will be good again.