NikNox.....what about getting some professional support for you and your husband, as to how to navigate this difficult situation.....
It could help a lot.....
I am sure that you two are suffering as much as she is....
As provoking as she is...she is suffering and confused and out of control....
The whole family is hurting...lots of family dynamics going on.....a lot of boundary issues.....
I think you really need to get a plan, now,,,because, as things are going, it is likely to get worse before it gets better....
This does seem to be beyond the usual parent/child skirmishes, for this age....