you are doing great. support to you.
I was the alcoholic that destroyed my family unit through a catastrophic event (to myself, accident). Through reading @ SR I have learnt to challenge my own motives and do not talk to my (soon) ex or sons out of respect. The last email I did send one said 'hoping you all have a safe and peaceful Easter' - that is all. Most likely after reading your post I will not do that again. So I live and grow- so as well as offering support, thanks You need to move on with your life. Enjoy your trip (not a bucket list, surely but one of others to come).
Support to you.