A stark reminder
I had a rough day today. Kept having thoughts of "if I just keep the binge to a couple days, the withdrawal shouldn't be too bad". Yeah, right, there was never a couple days, it would be non stop for weeks. See, I never really had 'slips' that some people refer to, I always knew it would be full blown.
I didn't drink but it was a long day and it's been a longer night. So I came on here and read some of my posts. It's so true that withdrawal just gets worse and worse and I never to have to go through it again, as long as I don't drink.
The inability to sleep more than a few drunk hours before withdrawal kicked in.
The praying there were a couple beers left since the store wasn't open.
Always ending at the point where I hadn't eaten, showered, tended house for days, weeks is more like it.
Then the day would hit where I couldn't get to the store, already in too bad of withdrawal.
The uncontrollable shaking, almost more convulsing muscles.
The vomiting for 12 hours or so.
The buckets of vomit kept in close reach.
The cases of beer strewn about the kitchen, counters covered, some on the floor. I couldn't bear to face it.
The anxiety, not knowing what I've done with work, what bills are due, or overdue.
Heart pounding out of my chest, blood pressure skyrocketing, to the point I was terrified.
No sleep for at least 36-48 hours, then terrible fitful sleep.
Not for me. Never again. That stupid AV telling me it'll be ok... HA! I'll be tired tomorrow, but sober, healthy, and ready for another sober day.
Glad I could come on here for a look in the mirror of where I was. I don't post often anymore, sometimes I think it was a bit of a trigger for me in the very early days. But I'm still around.