Originally Posted by
ZenButterfly 
Just wondering how my life got this way, to state of utter meaningless and loneliness and attempting to drown it all out with alcohol. At least I did not drink last night.
A rhetorical question. The answer, if there is an answer provides nothing. The important thing is you can turn this completely around. You didn't drink last night. Don't drink tonight. Rinse and repeat. Once sober you can work on adding meaning to your life.