Hi Savana,
See? You called him and he was mean and then turned around and called you back and was nice. That's the way it always goes. Up and down. It keeps us at a standstill because we get so caught up in the "does he really love me or not? If he did, he'd prove it to me" kinda thing.
I'm sorry it hurts, hon. I know that feeling. I gave up my xabf. I could've stayed and played the rollercoaster ride for ..........ever, if I wanted to, but didn't want to. The fighting was making me not like him at all!
It's hard when you say good-bye to a strong love, especially mine cuz I've known him since I was 13 and loved him since then. He was SUCH a sweetheart back then and really well liked. That's the core of who he is, but the years of the alcohol disease has effected his life, the way he thinks and acts....etc.
Junior high/high school were thee best years in my life (besides the births of my kids) and when my parents died, I wanted SO badly to go back to a time that was safe and happy for me. Through xabf, I did that. So, letting go of him was a double whammy cuz I lost him and I also had to realize that I can never go back to being a kid again. That's long gone and we're not the same anymore.
I pray that you got your closure. Please don't call him back cuz if you do, he'll prolly be mean to you again. Easier said than done, I know, but don't allow that in your life.
((hugs))