Guidance on handling of relapse.
My 44-year old significant other has been an alcoholic since he was 12 years old, the last 10-15 years being the worst. We've known each other for 9 years but only started a relationship 2 1/2 years ago when he didn't want this life anymore. I personally don't drink, never liked it, but I have been in the world addiction for a long time and understand it quite well. I knew that I couldn't make the decision to quit for him, he couldn't make it for me, it was all his. I could only try to get him to a place where he would want to. He finally quit on his own a year ago (his brain was shrinking, he started having neuropathy in feet, losing eye sight, was diagnosed with alcohol liver disease and was not given a positive outlook for the short term future, and everyone around him started to distance themselves), but refused any type of help because "he is different, he knows more, he understands it better than anybody else" bla bla bla. He relapsed a week ago. A beer here, a couple there but his poison of choice is white wine. Started drinking a bit here and there but he hasn't gone out of control yet....next week might be a different story. I can tell he is trying hard to control but I know better.... I think. He was the textbook dry drunk throughout last year. He quit the actual drinking but never the habits associated with his drinking. He drunk N/A beers and wine like he drunk his regular booze. He was still very self-centered/absorbed with the superiority complex and of course the emotional issues (no intimacy, no affection, refusal to discuss any topics relating to feelings, emotions, life....). Now, when sober we found out (no one had ever seen him sober) he was a nice, even tempered, a bit shy, very pleasant reliable, trustworthy guy (if you exclude the alkie behaviors) vs. Mr. Hyde, the angry mean lying manipulative etc...ahole. His brother and I saw the relapse warning signs so didn't come as a surprise. He enjoyed his sober life, I don't think he wants to go back to drunk but my guess is he hasn't fully admitted yet that he will never be able to handle moderation because he is an alcoholic. My question is....how do we handle this? I personally haven't expressed any anger or aggression towards him but have made it clear that I had a taste of some sane life and I will keep going forward, either with him sober or alone but going backwards to the insanity, the hurt, chaos and drama is no longer an option for me. I will no longer accept the unacceptable. I believe the experiences and the knowledge of the people on this site can offer me some valuable insights. After all, we can never assume we know everything and lots of you certainly know way more than I do. Any feedback or guidance will be appreciated.