I'm heartbroken, but yet at the same time angry. I got a message from xabf last night. Very different then his normal, angry, blaming me for everything message.
He sounded very sad, and said how he still loves me and misses me so very much. He said "Gosh, we had some wonderful times together, and I miss that," he was crying a little bit. But he said he couldn't ever get back together with me. (Not like I would anyway).
His message wasn't pleading with me to come back, no manipulation involved,no false promises, he wasn't mean or blaming, it is, just what it is. He feels the same way that I do, but I don't think he understands what lead up to him leaving the last time. He is still in denial about being an A. And I guess THAT is the reason he can never be with me.
So sad, what a waste of a once kind hearted, loving individual. I guess for me, I haven't had a lot of relationships end, were I still even liked the guy. I don't know how to deal with this type of break up. I guess it's much easier when we are both angry at each other. *sigh*
I miss my best friend; and he misses me...I know the answer to this question...But, why can't he just take the neccasary steps to try and stop drinking, and to be with me? He still wants the life he used to have. Answer=Because he isn't ready to stop drinking yet.
I've thought that maybe it was really me, and that he fell out of love with me, but I know better now. He is the exact same person I knew a year ago, with the exact same feelings of love he has for me, but, he just can't let go of the booze. This hurts!!! I hate this disease...
I can tell he is really progressing with his diesease. As before he was able to salvage little of what he had of his life. Now it has taken everything from him-his job, his relationship with me, and I'm sure it won't stop there.
Sometimes I feel it's as though I'm watching him walk into a ring of fire, or off a plank with sharks beneath him; not able to do anything to help him, but sit and watch him hurt himself.
So I will always remember the good times and the man he used to be; good bye my friend....I will always love you and remember you the way you used to be...