I think your feelings are normal response to what sounds like quit a bit of time dealing with instability and probably some chaos? I think your idea of therapy for yourself is a good idea if you can do it. I used that for myself and found it helpful. I tried Alanon. It is a program for family members. Its based on beliefs of AA and I found it didnt tie into much of what I was learning in therapy with Addiction specialist, so I stopped after a while as it caused too much emotional conflict for me. However, It can be a place to meet people and vent during the share session.
I regret that I didnt reach out to my family and friends. The people who knew me & knew my husband. Sometimes I know people can be judgmental, over protective and make things harder for you both, but its something to think about if you havent yet done this.
My husband tried and fell down several times. I think if you do some research about addiction you will see its common. Its not really failure because its part of the process. So in terms of being supportive and non-judgmental -- I think its good to recognize that he is admitting a problem and has taken steps to find a solution. That is really BIG. With my husband what helped me was when he told me his plan, and I felt like he was open to altering the plan if it wasnt working well for him. They can get really frustrated too if they try and find its harder than they thought, or worse if they slip. Its hard to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start trying again - Maybe with an adjustment here or there.
So educating yourself on the process of change is something I did through therapy. Think of times when you tried to change a behavior and the feelings associated. When I think of this I know at times I needed support, and at other times I needed space. I also know I learned from my mistakes but sometimes it took a while. Thats how my husband was during this process. AND thats how Ive also been coping as I face this journey with him.
My husband tried an outpatient but it was hard because he was working , then he got into an inpatient but hated it, and also did not like AA forced on him and he left that program. He has stuck with therapy and seems to like it. Ive seen positive change, and he is doing well. Therapy is good because it can deal with more than the alcohol abuse and get into underlying issues, coping skills, and even help them deal with their part in relationship issues.
This is getting too long so I will stop. One last comment to make is that while his journey may be smooth or bumpy.. what you said in your post makes me think you are almost at the end of your rope.. just remember that you have to do whats best for yourself. There was a time when I had to physically leave for a while because my husbands behaviors were so bad. I came back, and that was also a choice. I have no regrets over that and we are working together on things now. Family counseling might also help you both at some point.
Please message me if you ever want to chat.