Glad to meet you, LuLu. I know it will help you to be here with us. We all understand what you're going through.
I drank 30 yrs. What was once fun & an escape from troubles became a necessity. In the end I was drinking all day - with a ruined life. It took me a long time to admit that once the first drink was in my system - anything could happen. I put myself in danger many times - always insisting I could control my drinking if I used enough willpower. The day I finally admitted I could never touch a drop again, was the day I began to get free. Here's where your misery can end.