Hello and welcome.
I ended up alone and afraid, too. I was very ill. Please seek medical attention if you feel too bad.
I know all to well the fear and anxiety that wanting to quit but can't brings.
I needed help, too. After I felt well enough, after my last binge, I went to AA and came here.
I found people who I can relate to.
I feel so bad for you because I've been there. But trust me, if you don't pick up that next drink, things will get better.
I wish you the best and am sending good vibes your way.