No drunkgirl- life is not just about 24/7 numbing out reality. With life- there is that spark of hope. That is why you posted. Keep posting. If you want to self harm- can you get to an ER? Post here- all day/night if you have to. I know about the depths of despair. Of sadness, loneliness, horror- pain. There is more to life. You are worth more than that.
Empathy and support to you. Do not drink anymore. PJ