Originally Posted by
GaryB1 
I could feel my Beast perk up, almost see ITs ears stand to attention
By perk up, I meant I could feel ITs anticipation of the
pleasure of those first few drinks.
I think that's when I realized why "I" had been drinking despite the heavy toll it was taking on my health and life, against my better judgement.
IT was the one wanting the pleasure of those first few drinks, no matter the cost to my body and my life, it was all worth it to IT. IT didn't acknowledge the horror this drinking was bringing to my life, couldn't acknowledge it. IT lived for the pleasure booze brought, no matter how short lived