Life is carrying on in my corner of the universe. I feel like I'm reaching more of an equilibrium where STBXAH is concerned. I'm doing a better job of staying aware enough of things for DS's sake, but not too aware that it's unhealthy. Our divorce should be final in late May or early June. It's a relief that I'm doing a better job at the long-term, permanent detachment, because work life has gotten crazy.
Back in February we hit the one year anniversary of when I came perilously close to losing my job over attendance and related issues (NOT quality of work issues). For a year I fought like hell and kept my nose to the grindstone, accounted for literally every second of my day, every day, and earned back a lot of trust and goodwill from my boss. I'm not sure if it was a coincidence, but around that anniversary, he loosened a lot of my restrictions in part because my counterpart in our department uses a lot of compensatory time to cover medical appointments and I think our boss was feeling uncomfortable about treating us differently in the attendance department after a year of stellar attendance from me.
Anyway, feeling a little secure in my job coincided with some issues in our department that have impacted my job satisfaction. And while at no point have I been actively looking for a new job, a new opportunity with a quasi-government agency has dropped in my lap. I should have a face-to-face interview in the next week or two, and I hope to GOD that it sheds some light on all of this because I am having a hard time figuring out if I *really* want a new job, or if I just need to water the grass on my side of the proverbial fence. I am pretty overwhelmed at work right now, and I don't want to make a wrong move for the wrong reasons. I am asking HP for some clarity on this, and trying to keep my head on as straight as possible while I juggle all the stress.
My kids are all doing well. DD17 ended her relationship with her longtime boyfriend back before school started, and took several months to just do her thing and have fun before she started dating again. She's been seeing a nice guy who is a year older and seems quite a bit better adjusted than her last boyfriend. More will be revealed. She is finishing her junior year, and is starting to look seriously at colleges and whatnot. She rocked her ACT, and takes the SAT this week.
DD13 has church confirmation coming up, plus 8th grade graduation. She had a really hard time earlier in the school year, but seems to be doing a lot better. She plans to spend as much time here as possible this summer. She wants to take cake decorating classes, and we are trying to get her a slot volunteering at the library. She will also babysit for DS and my gentleman friend's daughter once every week or two to earn a little $ and build her confidence.
DS is finishing first grade. He seems to be handling the divorce fairly well. STBXAH is still fairly involved, and DS likes STBXAH's new girlfriend, her son, and her nephew.
Things are still going well with my gentleman friend, whom I have now known for almost 18 months! We have had what I consider to be some fairly normal relationship growing pains, but I believe we have handled them in a mature, healthy, and fully functional way. We have our stressors, including his work schedule (2nd shift) which leaves me alone and in charge of his daughter and DS four nights a week, but he has several irons in the fire to move to first shift either at his current job, or at a new place.
I can honestly say that we are squarely OUT of the honeymoon phase, and I have a tremendous amount of love AND respect for him--something I have not experienced in an adult romantic relationship before. We are different in many ways, but neither of us feels threatened by those differences. He drives me nutso sometimes, and I'm sure I do the same to him, but again--the whole thing just feels so...NORMAL. No hidden, buried resentments. No name-calling or insults. No lies. When my kids have issues with things in the home, they come to me and we talk about them. Nobody spends the weekends hiding in their rooms anymore. When DD17 started seeing her new guy, she was actually DISAPPOINTED that the weekend we made plans for him to come up for dinner was a weekend that my gentleman friend was out of town. Recall that during the last few months before I left STBXAH in 2015, my girls didn't even want to COME to my house.
Work stuff has me stressed and at times feeling like I'm struggling to access my coping skills, and it helps to come here and reconnect with all of you, and remind myself of what people in recovery look like, and the tools they use in every aspect of their lives.
