Originally Posted by
Kaily 
dwtbd my plan is to never drink alcohol again.
Careful, there. The AV may have stepped in to change the words around, so that you only 'plan' to never drink alcohol again. That is a little different, and much weaker than:
"I will never drink/use again."
- "I" am in control of my muscles. Therefore, "I" call the shots.
- "Will" is just my ability to make a decision, which requires no power.
- "Never" means eternity, forever, to the last star in the universe.
- "Drink/use" is what I will never do.
- "Again" means that this decision is based on my past experience.
Originally Posted by
Kaily When I got home I was tired and restless, beast and AV were nagging away at me much more than usual and I didn't seem to have the energy to say NO. Not sure I even wanted to.
The key to AVRT is the I/It split between you and the Beast, which the Big Plan creates. Since all desire to drink is not you, but the Beast, then not only do you never drink, but
you don't even want to drink -- IT does.
Remember, also, that although they are closely related, that the AV and the Beast are not the same thing. I explained this distinction previously in a response to Behappy1 in another thread.
Originally Posted by
Algorithm You need to drive the Beast into the ground, but in order to so so, you will have to first stop caring about its suffering by deprivation. In order to separate, it may help you to understand that the AV is not the same thing as the Beast, but rather, the AV is the voice of the Beast.
AV ≠ Beast
AV → Beast = Bark → Dog
The AV is to the Beast as the Bark is to the Dog.
The AV is the 'bark' of the Beast, and the AV, not the Beast, is the real cause of your addiction. The Beast is impotent, without hands, and depends on you to feed it. The AV is any thinking or feeling that supports or suggests the possible future use of alcohol or other drugs.
When you feel a sense of deprivation from alcohol, that is the Addictive Voice, because that sense of deprivation suggests the possible future use of alcohol. It is the Beast talking to you. IT, and not you, suffers, and IT is trying to convince you that ITS suffering is your suffering.
The Beast doesn't care if you suffer, so don't concern yourself with whether or not IT suffers. When you feel ITS sense of deprivation, be glad that IT suffers, after all that it has done, and let the thing bark. You don't even need to 'bark' back. Just let it starve, and it will let you go.
See:
Do you understand what you will be giving up, in addition to what you already have given up, if you continue to allow your Beast to structure your life around ITS needs? Would you ever willingly let another person take as much from you?
If you haven't done so already, I would encourage you to go through the crash course, and to start reading through the Rational Recovery book. AVRT is simple, but it can't hurt to learn as much as you can, and it will pay dividends.