Thank you all for your support and perspectives. I know that what I need to do is just finish my testing process. I also have to actually have a difficult conversation with my bf about just how I feel in this role and how I feel about us having the kids more. When we only had then 50% of the time I handled it much better, but with us taking them 80% of the time, it's killing my serenity and my need for privacy.
Anyway, I also know I don't have to make any rash decisions today. I love the man, I know he loves me. But, love alone can't make a relationship work so I need to weigh the pros and cons, pray daily about my path and where I want to see myself, and think really hard about whether I want to be in this 'mom' role for another 10 years. Dang, that's a long time!!!
Truly appreciate all your support.