I don't know but I know how to get to know. By posing the question. That's step one. Keep asking the question and keep listening for the answer and the answer will come. Maybe not at the rate you want but it will come. In the meantime, the resentment from maintaining an anger is not helpful. It reminds me of once when I was very angry. I cannot remember why or at who the anger was directed. I asked a wise man and he said it's your ego. Now I got angry at him. I went and sat somewhere and thought. OK I know this man is wise and he is not flippant. How can this painful knot inside me formed by me dwelling in my anger be my ego. Ok, I will feel my pain and as I did so and thought about how it could be ego it suddenly dissolved and I laughed. Yes, he was so right. Nothing had changed except my relationship to the knot. I had solved nothing on the outside. What was a consuming passion became a laughter and was gone.