Since I joined this thread a few months in, I missed some of the earliest posts, though I tried to go back and reread most. Did all of you folks have a rock bottom moment in April 2015 that told you that you definitely had to quit?
For myself, it was more a constant slog that robbed life of any joy. However, in the previous month, I drunk texted someone whom I normally would never trust about our boss, and it got back to them. I thought for sure that my job was in serious jeopardy but I skated through barely.
On my last day of drinking, the first day of my weekend, I promised myself that I would not drink before 10:00am. That was what my life had come down to. I was able to not drink before or during work, but almost always was drinking otherwise. I remember going downstairs to brew some coffee and I had an incredible urge to pop open a can of beer. I continued to drink until right before midnight. The self loathing was unbearable. I probably had 18 drinks over the course of the day, never got drunk, never felt that warm buzz alcohol once provided, nothing but anger that I couldn't stop myself. Finally, I admitted to myself that I had a problem. Many many attempts at moderation had failed. That was the day that I finally told myself that I would try to at least not drink for a day. I read the crash course about AVRT on rational.org and here I am today.
My second year of course was much easier than the first. I don't harbor thoughts of wanting to drink most of the time now. Occasionally, I have had the random thought of whether or not I could now moderate, but I have read enough horror stories here to know that would not end well. I don't think about drinking much these days, but I think about being an alcoholic every single day. I check into SR daily to help keep me grounded. My newfound sobriety is a gift, and I hope to never take it for granted.
We are the lucky few who have gotten another chance at life.