Welcome Tony.
Despair. I can't count the times I saw my wife (now EX-wife), in tears because of my drinking. But I still would'nt stop, or at least slow down. She was a good woman,and I burned her soul. Regret. Guilt. all of the negative emotions are eating me alive. i'm nearly SIXTY years old, and have basically wasted my life.
And still I drink.............