JustTony my heart goes out to you and I teared up when I read that your son died. I have 1 son and I don't know why sometimes I think of what I would do if I lost him. I think because my 13 year cousin committed suicide almost 2 years ago, and they were only 3 weeks apart in age. I think in my head if I have enough sleeping pills on hand to do the job. Then I pray because I don't know why those thoughts would come into my head. If it actually happened I just don't know what I would do. I'm just so sorry for your loss. Time can never heal that kind of a wound. And I understand why you said, screw it, and just drank. I'm so proud of you for coming full circle with this alcohol demon. We have different reasons for why we are here. I'm just really hurting for you on the loss of your son no matter how long ago it was, it happened. And I'm so hopeful at the same time that you can get through the pain and learn to live again and it sounds like you have an awesome loving wife that is sticking around for the long haul. I'm rooting for you. All the Best~