JustTony,
I'm new to sobriety so I don't have the advice on how to get to where we surely all want to be...so many others on SR do as you may know.
I can't come up with words adequate to speak to the loss of your son and how painful it must be. I feel from what you have written that you sincerely want to make the change to be sober and that you have reached a point where many do ..seems that it reaches us at different times in our lives.
Day by day so far for me and it's been not so easy. I hope you continue for today to remain sober and then next day and so on. Courage to you.