Welcome Tony - it's so good to meet you.
I'm sorry for the painful loss of your son. I also thought that drinking was helping me to cope with life's miseries. In truth it only makes things much worse. Our anxiety is terrible - our guilt & remorse tortures us. There's no good reason to hold on to something that brings so much destruction to our lives. Yet I kept poisoning myself for 30 yrs. We have to be ready to stop - and it sounds like you've reached that point. Please stay with us and keep talking. We want to help.