Originally Posted by Westexy

I've observed and assisted with the distribution of several estates over the past three years (none involving me as an heir, but all involving different family members) and I've observed a few things:
-Almost everyone involved says they don't care about the money
-Almost everyone cares about the money
-Almost everyone represents themselves as altruistic
-Almost everyone perceives at least one other relative involved as greedy, conniving or undeserving
-Many represent that they only have an opinion because of the involvement of the perceived greedy, conniving or undeserving heir
-There are often heirs who "work on" the elder relative as they age in order to gain an advantage in the estate distribution

Wills and estates often uncover deep wounds, emotions and dysfunctions that have gone unaddressed, sometimes for generations. I have no doubt that your intentions are good, but Lexie is correct about how you will be perceived. It tears me up when parents don't divide their assets equitably (even though it is their money) because it ALWAYS creates conflict, often deep and everlasting, for the survivors.

I think you should express your feelings to your mom while she is alive, but you should be very honest and authentic about your feelings. You should share not only your concern for your brother, but also your feelings about receiving or not receiving a share yourself. Otherwise, I believe you will appear conniving and phony. It's very possible that your mother cares about you all equally, but that your brother has been "working her", making a case for himself to get everything. I have seen older people change their wills in the presence of the requestor just so they wouldn't have to listen to their incessant badgering anymore.

Good luck to you!