hey charlie. when i first came to sr i had a very similar problem. im a meth addict and ive been doing crystal for the past 5 years. im only 19 and in the middle of rehab the transfered me from el paso texas to hospital in chicago il. i grew up doing drugs behind everyones back since i was 8 years old and now that the secret is out to my family and ive moved i have to start all over again. like some form of rebirth. the point is that in the time i was supposed to be developing a personality and discovering myself i learned to be deceptive and manipulative even to myself and it makes it harder for me to love myself let alone love a sober life. i cant tell you how many times i dream of my past, the old friends, the adventures, ect. im the type of person that craves the lifestyle and the drug. sometimes i think id give it all up just to go back to that life. im not sure if thats what you feel or if you even understand this but i just wanted to express that your not alone. addiction is a disease that never goes away. its something that we have to live with. but if defeated it makes you a wiser, stronger person and to me thats worth the fight.