Day 11
Well, the roller coaster of emotions has returned. Last night I was just so sad and didn't know why. Today I feel better but am still a little down. I've been keeping busy all day with house work and little projects I've been putting off. Lately the only place I feel fine is at work. Going to work is easy, I've been doing this for 15 years. I'm relearning how to feel comfortable in my home life. The past few years I've been medicating my depression and anxiety with a depressant. No wonder I didn't get better. I've fallen into the trap of going to work and coming home and not doing anything else. I long to go out and do things but I just feel paralyzed. Now I'm extra scared to go out because I don't want to be confronted with alcohol. Ugh, sorry for the rambling. I obviously have a lot of things coming to the surface that I need to handle. I probably should seek professional counseling. The last time I tried to find a counselor I called over 10 offices in my area and was told they weren't accepting new patients. The last place I called the woman on the phone was so rude I just got totally discouraged and gave up. Well, one thing at a time so I don't freak out. I'm glad I have this forum for advice and a place to unload my thoughts. Thanks everyone.