That's why they say that alcoholism is cunning and baffling... That's not to act as though being drunk is an excuse for bad behavior. A chemical change happens in the brain when an addict takes a drink, and something changes that affects impulse control. I've done things that I would never dream of doing sober. I don't know how to describe it... It's horrifying, really. Brain damage certainly can occur! People get seizures from withdrawal, nerve damage... Really bad. That's why they describe it sometimes as a kind of insanity. What rational person would knowingly put themselves at such risk?
It's also true that it is a very selfish disease, as you well know. He wants you to sacrifice your happiness and well being so he can keep himself sick... It's very sad