Hi and welcome to you. I understand you very well. i went to rehab a year ago and did very well for a long while but have had a series of small relapses. I am currently trying to get myself out of one now and it is not fun. Like you I feel ashamed, scared and angry that I can't seem to get it right. I do know we have to keep trying though. I did reach out to a doctor and have an appointment this morning, someone is coming to my house. Do they have services like that where you are? Like you I was afraid to go to the ER so this solution works for me.