Hi all,
I thought I'd check in today - it definitely helps to write about what's happening. I'm a journal writer and have been for some time, so I'm also making that a priority every day right now and yeah, definitely needing it.
A couple of things have occurred over the last 24 hours.
1) Last night I was writing in my journal and I congratulated myself on making it through 6 days sober and a very smooth 6 days at that. Then I later realised it was actually day 7 and I'd made it an entire week and I didn't even realise ha!!! That's never happened before in my previous attempts to quit and I think it made me realise that this time does feel very different. There is less angst around it and I feel calm, if not relieved to have made the decision to try again which can only be good. I've actually been doing a lot of work on myself whilst trying to start my own business and it is through that work that I have finally realised I cannot create the life I want and drink. It's just not gonna work. So I'm done and it hasn't come from a **** place or a rock bottom, but more of a high bottom I suppose. I just know it's what I need to do and yep, I'm committed.
2) This morning on the way to work I was listening to a recovery podcast (my new favourite thing to do!) and the podcaster was talking about a very personal issue for her that she has dealt with on her sober journey (dealing with the death of her father) and she said something that made my cry. She said: "I knew that I would be OK without it." I burst into tears as I realised that yes, I have this fear that I am not going to be ok and that's what I'm trying to numb or run away from with alcohol.
So yeah, feeling heavy today but I'm prepared for this and I have tools to deal with it and I WILL BE OK!
Thanks xx
