Hello SR!
We have met before a few times but I tend to do disappearing acts quite frequently when I become indecisive about quitting the drink and of course, it usually means I've decided to just continue drinking.
I've probably tried to quit wine twice a year for about the last 3 years and each time I decide to go back to drinking, it does seem to get progressively worse somehow.
I'm 32, work full-time as a high school teacher and wine is my poison of choice. I often drink in the evenings during the week and the weekend, more than often I am alone when I drink (I hardly ever go out anymore) and have been known to turn down an opportunity to go out because I'd rather just stay in with my bottle of wine...how sad is that?
I've tried moderating several times and find it really really hard and painful to be honest. I don't want just one or two - I want the whole bottle and sometimes more than a bottle of wine.
Over the last couple of years, I've been living with a couple of people who don't seem to drink very much and it's brought the sheer amount of what I drink into focus I guess. I can clearly see that my drinking is totally abnormal in comparison to my flatmates whom drink now and then.
But the thing that is really getting to me is fatigue. This is a relatively new thing...I just feel like crap all the time and it doesn't matter how early I go to bed at night, I always feel so tired in the mornings and I really struggle with my energy levels as the days go on. I can't say for sure whether this is because of drinking, but I'm pretty certain it's connected. I'm starting to struggle with productivity at work, and last week I had a couple of days where my brain was just...totally foggy and I couldn't really think at all. It was terrible and it scared the crap out of me. I then spent the majority of the weekend in bed or on the couch, sleeping/not doing anything.
It's just really hit home to me that this is crunch time. This is my life, and I don't want it to be like this. I'm trying to do positive things in my life and overall, I just feel like wine is really holding me back in a lot of ways; it's keeping me stuck and I can't move forward and progress as a person until I get a hold of this issue.
So I'm back...day 4 almost done which means I've had my first sober weekend for 2017, and it was fine. I'm considering going to some AA meetings this time around and I'm also making more of podcasts as I really enjoy listening to them - have found a couple about addiction recovery which I'm finding useful so far.
I'm scared, but there is also a big part of me that is soooo curious about what life would be like without alcohol and there is an element of excitement when I think about that too. I wonder...I need to find out - now is the time!
Thanks and hope you are all doing well
