There's a certain kind of apathy or fatalism that happens with long term addition.
Our self esteem is so low it's easy to convince ourselves that our life is pretty much over and that noone would really care if we liove or die, least of all ourselves .
It's our addiction talking - and it can do that even when we're sober if we drink for long enough.
It took a few months for me to realise just what a dark place my drinking left me in.
If you need to, please bookmark this link, or better still read though it now.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
There is always hope...and there is life after drinking.
It will take effort, but you're not alone Pajanickah
D
Originally Posted by
Pajanickah 
Thank you for all your replies!
Honestly, I feel like just giving up. I mean I really don't care anymore. I lye in bed Every night and ask for God to take me.
I cannot afford rehab, I have no insurance and people generally dgaf about me. I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to go through Benzo withdrawal I just don't.
I've always had a good intuition, and I'm fine with death. My intuition has always told me that I will die young. I no longer want to live with this chaos anymore.
I just want to go to sleep and never wake again. I'm a failure and I'm fine with that. I just wanna die.