I really sympathize with you man. Takes me back many years ago when I never expected to make it to 30, and I did everything I could to make that happen. One hospital stay after another. Had a doctor that felt medication, etc., was the answer. Even shock therapy. Pretty pathetic life. All this kept me from what the real problems were. A few times, I'd take all the meds my doctor gave me, lay down and looked forward to not waking up. Was pretty upset when I did. Trust me on this; you have a lot of great, positive things coming in your future. You will see that once your dealing with a clear mind, free from alcohol and drugs.
I've been to detoxes that do load people up on benzos like you said, and many of those places will give a script for more when they leave. That's just insane. But I've see others that don't. There are medications that aren't addictive that detox centers can give you. Your withdrawals sound too extreme to do it on your own. IMHO, I think Dee's suggestion of checking into the Salvation Army would be a great move. I've heard good things about their program. Giving up is just letting your addiction win. Why give it that kind of power? John