Thank you for the thoughtful replies.
We found his truck in a green belt between our neighborhoods parked over a sidewalk. Nothing stolen and the police were already there.
It is so bizarre how I rationalize things. "But it was the first time he's done anything like this" I tell myself...as if we all get one free pass to walk around naked in public.
I am still confused. His actions for 49 days had indicated to me the desire to change and willingness to do the work...although now I'm thinking it might be rose colored glasses? He seemed engaged during inpatient to me and his therapist. I am getting mixed signals from alanon and his treatment facility. The center says it is possible to sincerely want change but still struggle and slip until the brain chemisty catches up to the heart. Mistakes don't mean they don't want it, just that they havent honed their tools (daily aa meetings would be good for that, ahem). A couple alcoholics have replied (thank you!), so I'd appreciate insight if you have it.
On the other hand, proof is in the pudding.
I'm taking the wise advice to back off the psych appt. When we got home, he sat down and said "I don't know what to do. I just need to never drink again." I replied that it is the definition of insanity if he doesn't change his current treatment and expects different results. He could go back to inpatient, partial hospitalization, attend more aa, get a sponsor, try antibuse, or whatever combo, but he is setting himself up for failure to not to take action.
He is at an aa meeting now. I'll go to alanon this evening and have my bimonthly therapy this tuesday.
I am struggling with my love for him, the reality of the disease, and my own difficiences for lack of a better word. I was raised amongst addicts and alanon has helped me realize I've been a rescuer and enabler atleast going back to when I became a big sister at 7. I know no other way of life or behavior. I have no "before alcoholism" to go back to as reference. Many of what I always thought were my greatest, perhaps only, attributes turn out to be mere symptoms of being raised around addiction. That is hard to handle. Me learning about healthy behaviours feels like a blind man learning about colors. I'm starting from square one, so thank you again for your replies.