Originally Posted by
Txbuttercup 
Husband volintarily completed 30 day inpatient 20 days ago and is attending outpatient 3 days a week.
This is really good news I think. Shows desire to make life changes.
His aa meeting attendence is sporadic, but I have kept my mouth shut to not interfere in his treatment plan.
I didnt have any interest in terms of if my husband went to his meetings or not. He could go if it helped him, was his choice.
We got into a fight last night, which started with him questioning my intentions and need for alanon. I felt he was intentionally pressing my buttons and it worked eventually. I snapped, screamed, and threw a cup.
When I get upset like this, its a reminder for me to work on my own coping skills.
This morning he seemed normal and kept encouraging me to go to the meeting. I didn't. He went to the store and came back super drunk. I remanded calm, waited until he woke from a 2 hour nap and ate, then offered to take him to an aa meeting. He became hostile and denied drinking (there were empty bottles in his truck).
I calmly packed my bags. I told him I wasnt going to live with him actively drinking (a set, known boundary), told him to call me if he decided to pusue sobriety again and left with the dogs. None of the petfriedly hotels in my budget had last minute vacancies, so I took them to the park and returned about 2 hours later.
Ive been told relapse starts in ones thinking processes, can be triggered by many things. One of the purposes of recovery work is to help identify triggers, and learn how to stop and make a different choice, or to seek out their support systems.. But Ive also been told relapse is common in early recovery and people can learn positive things from it. Depends how he handles it.
I know you pride yourselves in not telling people what to do, but like a newbie I'm asking anyways.
1. Should I have let him get arrested?
I was down that road when my Inlaws thought it would "help" my husband to call the police so he could be held accountable for his behavior. It just worked out really poorly for all of us, including my husband and he was just beginning to engage in the recovery process on his own at the time it happened, This just delayed his getting proper care.
Dont beat yourself up, because there is no way to know if it would have been a positive or negative in your husbands case. And you did what you felt was best at the time.
2. Should / how do I get him into inpatient again?
3. He has his first apot with a psychiatrist monday. Should I insist on going?
Overall I try to let my husband be the designer of his own treatment plan, but I have strong feelings on the need for proper medical care, and the use of credentialed therapists. And Ive never been shy about sharing my views on this. I behave the same as I would if he was trying to figure out what kind of help to get for any other medical problem. I have gone with my husband to see some of his doctors, but it was with his blessing, otherwise I think it could have led to a lot of conflict, and he probably would have got less out of the face time with the doctor. I am always respectful and let him lead the direction it all goes, but will ask my own questions, or add things if I think it needs to be said. It works for both of us.
4. Should I leave if he doesn't go back to inpatient?
Thats your decision. Id just suggest looking at his actions after he sobers up, and see what kind of plan he comes up with.
5. Are the lines of enabling really as blurry as I think during early recovery (or post treatment), or should I just stamp a big E on my forehead?
No, I dont think you are deserving of a big "E"
Everyone has their own opinions on this stuff. We all do the best we can with the facts and knowledge that we have about the situation at the time. Our actions - What might be an appropriate response - for someone going through early recovery voluntarily for the first time, might not be the same response a person would give the fifth time, or if its clear a negative pattern has been established.
If you can along with Alanon, Id suggest maybe seeing a therapist who specialized in addiction medicine to help YOU learn, and deal with your own feelings and emotions. Its been the biggest help to me.