Hi, Txbuttercup--glad that you found us here and have been reading around the forum. It certainly seems like you've taken in some of what you've read and are making a start for yourself. Good for you!
1.
Should I have let him get arrested? Generally the advice is to not save the A from the consequences of his actions.
2.
Should / how do I get him into inpatient again? As another member pointed out, this is HIS responsibility, if he is even interested. It doesn't sound like he is. Unfortunately, it's not like taking your car to the garage, where someone makes adjustments or replaces broken parts and things are as good as new. In recovery, the A has to take an active part in things, has to work hard to learn a whole new way to live. From what you've said here, I don't see him expressing any desire to do that, and w/o that desire, nothing is going to make a difference.
3.
He has his first appointment with a psychiatrist Monday. Should I insist on going? Again, this is HIS responsibility, not yours. It would be a much better use of your time if you got some counseling or therapy for yourself (from someone who is knowledgeable about alcoholism) or if you got to an Alanon meeting.
4.
Should I leave if he doesn't go back to inpatient? Yup, you're right, not going to tell you what to do or not do here! Definitely DO start making
plans concerning leaving. Where to stay, what to take and so on. Also, make sure you're clear on what your reasons for leaving would be. Are you trying to force him to "see all he is losing" and hope that he gets sober? Or are you trying to preserve your own sanity?
5.
Are the lines of enabling really as blurry as I think during early recovery (or post treatment), or should I just stamp a big E on my forehead? Well, maybe put an E on there, but use something water-soluble so you can wipe it off as you learn better ways of dealing with things....
I hope that, now that you've broken your silence, you'll keep posting here as well as reading, reading and reading more. I also hope that you'll take yourself to Alanon soon. They are a wonderful resource for education, inspiration, and face-to-face support.
Again, glad you found us here, Txbuttercup. There IS a way forward for you, and as long as you keep looking for the next step, you'll find your path.