Weasel1966

Sobriety is an act of consciousness. It is deliberate and imprecise.

A few short years ago I was heading down a path seemingly unstoppable. I had virtually no control over my actions. Crack and drinking had its hands around my throat so tight I had no idea I couldn't breath.

2012 was a steamroller of a year until its culmination in December with life altering effects. During that time consciousness took a back set. Like riding in a car and the driver is heading for a cliff. I could do nothing but watch as it approached.

My close SR friends who have stopped and stayed stopped all reflect a depth of understanding that comes from the same place for all of us. When some event wakens us to see ourselves for what we had become. For me that was in December 2012.

There is no light switch with all this. I didn't just pack it in and suddenly become clean and sober. But the seed that these events planted in my consciousness was what I needed. I was not asleep any longer. I did not look away any longer. I knew I had to decouple from all that felt true and real in my life. Sad how the constant highs from crack can seem real.

I had to consciously take each step. Ask for help, make a plan, execute on that plan, throw that plan out and start with a new plan. And this crack head needed a grand plan seemingly far beyond what I am capable of. But slow small steps is what I took.

Sobriety is tangible. It doesn't sit beyond our grasp as if dangling from a stick tied to our backs. Don't think that way. Consciously take each small step. Try to see life as it is and not through the haziness of a cloud like I did for a decade. Consciously decouple from a life of drinking and drugs. I look around and see myself today and think "wow". I will never go back to what was. Never.

K