Epiphany
As I've previously posted, I left my AH on Monday after 9 years together (7.5 married).
I went through the wringer trying to hold my family together. Obviously he chose the bottle.
At some point, the romantic love I once had for my husband...it died. But I continued to hang on to hope despite the abuse, the withdrawal from everything and everyone, the dysfunctional life I was living, and the hurt and confusion that all of it was causing my three children.
Why?! It hit me tonight. After a while, I wasn't hanging on to my AH. He honestly wasn't worth hanging on to quite some time ago. I WAS HANGING ON TO MY INVESTMENT IN HIM AND MY MARRIAGE. So much time and energy invested in building a marriage, family, businesses. And, most of all, in hoping he'd get sober and find professional counseling so that my family didn't fall apart.
Honestly, I used to think this man was my soul mate. In actuality, he's a dysfunctional, angry and abusive drunk. My fear wasn't based on losing him...it was all about losing my investment in him and our life together. Losing years of my life to such nonsense. I wanted it to be worth the struggle and strife in the end.
I'm here to say that it didn't turn out the way I thought I wanted it to. It turned out much BETTER. I'm happier and feeling more peaceful than I have in years. Same with my kids. Everything is coming together. And I rarely think of him, when his craziness was all I ever thought about over the past several years. He ruled our lives with negativity and fear. I'm free and starting a new chapter with excitement and hope for the future. THIS...Me...My wonderful children...this is my investment now. And it's a worthwhile investment that will have great returns! ❤