My Dad was a passive alcoholic. My Mum is a codependant to the nth degree.
I married a passive alcoholic and became terrible codependent myself.
I got out of that marriage for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was not wanting to end up in a relationship that mirrored my parents. Neither of them were happy and I didn't want to spend the last half of my life in misery based on a decision I made when I was 20.
It took me until I was middle-aged to realize that rather than be like my parents whom I love very much, for many good reasons, I had more to learn about NOT being like the parts of them that were sick. It was an uncomfortable conclusion.
I did not see a lot of my Dad in the last two years of his life. I had set a boundary that I didn't want active alcoholics/addicts around me in my life. It was far to triggering for me. It's chaotic and it hurts.
My Dad died Dec of 2015 of illnesses he would not have had if he had made healthier choices regarding alcohol,exercise and diet. I'm sorry he's gone, and I'm sorry I didn't get to spend more time with him, yet I don't regret my decision to distance myself from his self imposed illness.
My advice would be to set boundaries you are comfortable with for yourself and your children. We don't have to be anxious and upset around people unless we choose to be. It is possible to love people from a healthy distance.
Best of luck to you. I know how hard it is to have a monkey-puzzle family tree.