Hang on...tie a knot in that rope and hang on. I know what it's like to want so badly for someone you love to save their own life because we are too tired and too weary and well, physically unable to save it for them. We feel guilty that we are abandoning them, and we watch them drink more to cope so bargain with ourselves that "if we promise to stay, then will you stop?", but know that we will be unhappy because it will only be a matter of time until they start back up again. We give chance after chance....so many chances and opportunities for them to right themselves. We give an abundance of love and support and friendship and warmth and all we do is beg for them to meet us half way. All we ask is that they make some efforts...that they simply WANT to get better and take the steps. But they don't. And we are backed into a corner where the only solution is leaving. If we stay, we donate our own life to them to destroy along with theirs. If we leave we at least have a chance to save ourselves (and in your case, your children)....and maybe even his life (leaving could be a bottom for him).
I'm sorry for your pain. Let your tears flow. You cannot control his fate...just pray for it. It's all you can do. I still dream of the day when he will have a beautiful and happy life even without me in it. I would risk not getting to share that just to know it happens for him. How his happiness would make me happy....
Musiclady....it's time to accept the things you cannot change. You are simply changing the things that you can. It will get better. I hope you can get to Alanon today. Much love and empathy.