Hello everyone, I just wanted to update you. Yesterday afternoon, my MIL called me and canceled the intervention that was planned for today. She said that the "AA professional" told her that an intervention would not work until my AH hits rock bottom. She said that he has been sober for 6 days, so maybe now is not the time for an intervention. I told her that the only reason he hasn't drank is that I have made it a point to get home before him every day (canceling all my social plans) and he mostly only drinks when alone. I felt really disappointed, as it seems wrong to put this off until he drinks so heavily that he hurts himself or someone else or loses his job / gets a DUI, etc. I would not put this off if it were my child, but that is her prerogative. I mentioned that AH is abusive even when sober and she said that was very wrong of him. She told me to keep in touch with her and update her on AH and also to reach out should I need support. I am pretty disappointed, also, because I already moved my valuables to my aunt's house and to a public storage place. I worked hard at planning for this, driving hours out of my way and paying for a storage unit, only to have it canceled at the last moment.
AH now still does not know that I told his parents and it is scary to worry about whether they will either tell him I told them or it inadvertently slips or they tell extended family members. I asked them not to say anything to him or anyone else until the time is right. I had an exit plan in place in case anything went wrong with the intervention. Now, I am worried that he will find out and I will be living with him when he does. I'll still keep some of my things in public storage. It is useful to have that for the time being.
My MIL did mention that I could threaten to leave him and maybe that will work. She said I could pack a bag and leave temporarily. I told her that if I get to the point of wanting to leave, it probably would not be temporary. It would probably be a permanent decision at that point. My emotions are not a yo yo. And leaving when living together is so logistically difficult that I would not want to do it until I was ready to permanently do so. She called that "immature, no offense."
I see now that I cannot rely on his parents to help, even if they express verbal supoort. I feel all the weight is on me once again. I do not regret telling them, because at the time, I felt like it could help and was my last resort. I didn't know they would back out on assisting.
Now I have to depend on AH's most recent promise of sobriety (he is 6 days sober and is seeing a psychiatrist this morning), and ultimately on myself to know when I have had enough abuse and need to walk away. I want to start living life again. I want to go out to events with friends and AH. I want to not worry about coming home to an abusive drunk who always threatens to leave every night. I recently connected the dots - his threats to leave are two-fold - he wants to go to a hotel so he can drink more, and he knows I have a fear of abandonment, so he leaves to hurt me more
