Originally Posted by
CaptainM 
A couple of things. 1 - about your ex BF. You say "it was easy to move on because I let my anger get me over him."
Why are you not angry (or angrier) at your AH??? Why are you letting him off the hook so easily? I promise I am coming from a place of love. But take a look at a few of the things you've written here -
He has been so verbally abusive, irritable, out of control, makes vague suicidal threats, threatens to divorce me daily, and leaves to get a hotel room when he is drunk and mad at me Are any of these the types of qualities you look for in your partner for life?
You deserve so much better.
What would you tell your best friend if she came to you and said her husband was treating her like how you're being treated?
Also... you said "He drinks any time he is home alone, so I had to stop going out with friends and socializing. "
You're letting him control your life. This isn't fair.
And it's been over 5 years since you were with your ex-bf... TIME helps heal. You're IN THE THICK of it now with your AH.... Time will help your wounds heal, your confidence come back, you'll smile and laugh more than you cry... in time!
p.s. have you read the "stickies" here? have you thought about going to al-anon? (((hugs)))
Thank you, CaptainM!! Your advice always resonates with me so much because we are both similar ages and had similar relationships with alcoholic husbands.
You are absolutely correct - I think once I leave him, I will be even angrier at my AH than I was at my ex bf (I don't have any feelings, bad or good, toward my ex; I think the anger went away years ago and was replaced by pure ambivalence and never wanting to speak to him again). My ex bf was awful, but he didn't abuse any substances and his verbal abuse was not nearly as bad. AH's verbal abuse is at least 10 times worse and hurts more because he made a marriage vow to always honor me. We also live together, so there's a difference there as well.
You're so right in that I do not deserve this. I know I deserve so much more. My mom told me yesterday that she wishes I knew my worth. I am getting closer every day to walking away.
AH has been sober for almost a week now (I know that is nothing) and has vowed to get better. I have heard this before, but he is also going to a psychiatrist this morning and plans to go to AA meetings as well. I hope he gets better. If he isn't better by the summer, I will have to leave him. I can't keep living my life this way