Hi Valbazin and welcome
My BF is sober for 4.5 years and I am sober for 4 months now. I've never witnessed his active addiction either. What you wrote about your boyfriend reminds me in many aspects of mine and also of myself. So if you want you can label these characteristics as alcoholic behavioural tendencies. But you can also just label them whatever you wish. Would that make a difference for you?
Lots of alcoholics have similar characteristics but I see the same behavioural patterns in others too, that don't suffer from addiction. I mean that's a hen and egg question anyway, do we start to drink because if certain aspects to our personality or does our personality develop a certain way caused by our drinking?
If you feel like Al-Anon is not for you maybe both of you could go to an open AA meeting together. As I understood it, you were mostly interested about understanding his struggle better? You can also read in the Alcoholism forum here or just in the newcomers section, there are a ton of personal stories and some very good insight into addiction and our struggle with it.