I feel like we are twins. I started drinking daily around 4 years ago. I was in job hell. I was never more miserable and turned to alcohol to cope. Next thing you knew, I had my dream job. It was heaven. I was able to work remotely and stay home with my dogs. All that I ever wanted. However, drinking had become my friend. It was all too easy to drink at home and it started getting earlier and earlier in the day. I started to think that I actually had a problem. In November last year, I was laid off from my dream job. I have no family and only one true friend. I completely panicked and sucked down the alcohol. I either had a nervous breakdown or a complete panic attack. I went to the ER and told them that I was experiencing withdrawal. They helped me, gave me paperwork for rehab. I went, didn't get a lot out of it. Most of the people HAD to be there. I was the only volunteer. I was able to quit fairly easily without the help of meds. After 2 months, I thought that I had another job lined up. I convinced myself that I was NOT an alcoholic, I just freaked out from not having income. I was good until Christmas. I had a drink. I was fine, didn't continue. January came and went, still no job. February came and I started to panic again. I started drinking and next thing I know, I am back where I started. Last week, my dog needed emergency surgery ($1000) and I had a job interview (3rd with the same company) the next day. After I went to the interview, I received an email before I got home saying that they weren't going to move forward with me. I still don't have a job. Just had to shell out a grand... I got home at 2:00 and started drinking all day. Next thing I know, its Saturday. The anxiety and depression is so horrible that I can barely breathe. Oh, I was in withdrawal and I felt like the world is going to end. I can't tell you how HORRIBLE it was. The anxiety was crippling. I spent Saturday night completely awake and in complete and utter panic. I cried so much that my eyes almost shut from being so swollen. I have no health insurance at this time and reached out to a local church near me. I am not a member but emailed the pastor and asked if he would meet with me. He did, prayed with me, prayed for my dog and invited me to come to church on Wednesday. After speaking with him, I felt better. I even felt a little tired (good thing!) I was able to sleep and haven't drank since. Today, I had a good day but guess what?!? I want to celebrate but getting a drink. Yes, I am THAT stupid. I came here because I know that I shouldn't but I was honestly trying to find articles on Dr. Google saying that it is ok to taper off. I seriously did that. I found this forum because I could picture going to the wine store and I don't want to. I am going back to church on Sunday. The people were so welcoming and it felt good to be among people again. I think that posting will help us all. Feel free to message me because we are new and i could use the support as well!! We can white knuckle this together!!! Good for you on the 4 days. It will get better, right!!!!