Originally Posted by
ScaredWife29 
I wish I could get to a place where I could let him go. I built so many hopes and dreams and we got married and had a huge wedding and mixed each other in our lives. It is so hard to let go of everything and 4 years of memories. It is so hard to let go. I know that eventually I may have to. I just keep having this hope that it will work out once he sees the light and wants to get better.
With my ex bf (dated for 3 years and broke up 5 years ago), it was easy to move on because I let my anger get me over him. I also started dating again a few months after the breakup, so I was able to move on. Now, I am completely ambivalent about him and have no feelings whatsoever and no desire to stay in touch or know anything about him. Ancient history. I also didn't have any deep commitment to my ex.
A couple of things. 1 - about your ex BF. You say "it was easy to move on because I let my anger get me over him."
Why are you not angry (or angrier) at your AH??? Why are you letting him off the hook so easily? I promise I am coming from a place of love. But take a look at a few of the things you've written here -
He has been so verbally abusive, irritable, out of control, makes vague suicidal threats, threatens to divorce me daily, and leaves to get a hotel room when he is drunk and mad at me Are any of these the types of qualities you look for in your partner for life?
You deserve so much better.
What would you tell your best friend if she came to you and said her husband was treating her like how you're being treated?
Also... you said "He drinks any time he is home alone, so I had to stop going out with friends and socializing. "
You're letting him control your life. This isn't fair.
And it's been over 5 years since you were with your ex-bf... TIME helps heal. You're IN THE THICK of it now with your AH.... Time will help your wounds heal, your confidence come back, you'll smile and laugh more than you cry... in time!
p.s. have you read the "stickies" here? have you thought about going to al-anon? (((hugs)))