Originally Posted by
biminiblue 
I would add that since he has been threatening to leave anyway and has been staying in motels, I would be relieved if he was to leave. What a bunch of manipulative quacking. How stressful for you. Don't let the door hit ya on the way out, dude.
My ex pulled that disappearing act. He'd go out and just stay gone for days. I still wonder if it was to spend time with someone else, but I'll never know. Regardless, when I asked him to move out he went. A part of me was upset that he didn't try to fight for us at all, but I was still relieved that he was gone. He was free to run his life into the ground and I didn't have to deal with him.
I hope you will get to the place where you see this is a blessing instead of a tragedy. You can't stop his self-destruction but as they say, "Let go or be dragged."
I wish I could get to a place where I could let him go. I built so many hopes and dreams and we got married and had a huge wedding and mixed each other in our lives. It is so hard to let go of everything and 4 years of memories. It is so hard to let go. I know that eventually I may have to. I just keep having this hope that it will work out once he sees the light and wants to get better.
With my ex bf (dated for 3 years and broke up 5 years ago), it was easy to move on because I let my anger get me over him. I also started dating again a few months after the breakup, so I was able to move on. Now, I am completely ambivalent about him and have no feelings whatsoever and no desire to stay in touch or know anything about him. Ancient history. I also didn't have any deep commitment to my ex.