5O days and no relapse
Well I've made it fifty days, and am becoming more and more familiar with the "ism" in alcoholism. There are great days (usually the ones where I hit a meeting), and there are some really, really low days where the best I can really do is just not drink. The good news is this is the longest I've been without a drink or drug since I was 14 years old, I'm 26 yrs now. There are definately mental parts to this disease that I didn't even realize were alcoholism, I just thought it was me not being able to function in society comfortably, and that it was a totally different issue. I always knew that I had spent alot of time in my own head and was pretty out of touch with reality, but didn't connect the two...just thought I was a loner who couldn't really converse with other people and always ended up ruining conversations with anyone one way or another. Alcohol and drugs made me feel good about myself when comparing myself to others always let me down.
Anyway, just felt like sharing today, maybe like a journal entry or something. But another issue I have...
My sponsor is 27 yrs sober and 65 yrs old, and suffers from depression and chronic pain. Last week he had a blowout with his homegroup (which I joined on monday), because they "told" him to read how it works from the big book, and didn't "ask" him to read. He walked out of the meeting and when I called him after he said that he wasn't going to go to meetings anymore, and that he'd had problems with people in that group for awhile now. I think that's called a resentment? Anyway...he wasn't there on monday and he's not answering my calls this week. He always answers. I'm worried about him and I don't want to hurt him by asking for another sponsor, but his inconsistency lately is making me feel a little rejected. I know selfishness is the root of all our problems, and I don't want to make this all about me, just having a rough couple days and he won't chat. Should I just tough out this rough spell and see if he comes out of it? Anyway I hope you all are having a great week and I'm grateful for you.
K